msjewbooty:

*tap dances over to u* bitch do we have a problem

howlingathowell:

sexyphancake:

whyisdanonphil:

damndanhowell:

lets see what’s in next week’s issue

image

is that

image

oH MY GOD

i shouldn’t be laughing so hard at this

oh my fucking god dan please tell me this is ironic

dan i s2g. pls let this be ironic

mathpreacher:

accidentally forgetting your earbuds at home is like accidentally leaving your first born child at the gates of hell

iwishlilbwasmygrandpa:

fuuck your bedtime mom. its probably like 5 am in china right now. time is a human construction that doesnt even exisgt. if u reject time you can transcend it. please i want to play halo

07-23 / 10:26 / 11,920 notes / r2cl2
07-23 / 10:22 / 11,920 notes / r2cl2

basementdemo:

my mom told me to put the dog to bed but didn’t specify which bed 

sarajxne:

that shitty feeling when you wanna go out & be social, but once you’re out, all you wanna do is be back at home

souljannoying:

one time i got a fish and my dad made me name it james pond

Anonymous asked: 13 36

Talents: OH OKAY SO I DISCOVERED IM LIKE REALLY GOOD AT SENSING POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS?? like okay I’ve set up 4 relationships in the past year and 3/4 weren’t pre-existing things. like I used my spidey senses and was able to determine whether people would be compatible WOW. also I’m great at sleeping in noisy rooms


Favorite clean word: detergent, scrub, idk there are a lot (I’m kidding it’s scruples I think I’m turning into my dad I need to stop making jokes like that)

07-23 / 7:40 / 1 note

that’s it I’ve made the big time one of those text post instagrams screenshotted my post and posted it I think I might faint

07-23 / 7:33 / 4 notes

moonager:

One time I was on a rollercoaster and a guy’s hat fell off during one of the loops but he caught it when we were right side up again, and i have to go my whole life knowing I’ll never be as cool as that guy.