*tap dances over to u* bitch do we have a problem





lets see what’s in next week’s issue


is that



i shouldn’t be laughing so hard at this

oh my fucking god dan please tell me this is ironic

dan i s2g. pls let this be ironic


accidentally forgetting your earbuds at home is like accidentally leaving your first born child at the gates of hell


fuuck your bedtime mom. its probably like 5 am in china right now. time is a human construction that doesnt even exisgt. if u reject time you can transcend it. please i want to play halo

07-23 / 10:26 / 11,920 notes / r2cl2
07-23 / 10:22 / 11,920 notes / r2cl2


my mom told me to put the dog to bed but didn’t specify which bed 


that shitty feeling when you wanna go out & be social, but once you’re out, all you wanna do is be back at home


one time i got a fish and my dad made me name it james pond

Anonymous asked: 13 36

Talents: OH OKAY SO I DISCOVERED IM LIKE REALLY GOOD AT SENSING POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS?? like okay I’ve set up 4 relationships in the past year and 3/4 weren’t pre-existing things. like I used my spidey senses and was able to determine whether people would be compatible WOW. also I’m great at sleeping in noisy rooms

Favorite clean word: detergent, scrub, idk there are a lot (I’m kidding it’s scruples I think I’m turning into my dad I need to stop making jokes like that)

07-23 / 7:40 / 1 note

that’s it I’ve made the big time one of those text post instagrams screenshotted my post and posted it I think I might faint

07-23 / 7:33 / 4 notes


One time I was on a rollercoaster and a guy’s hat fell off during one of the loops but he caught it when we were right side up again, and i have to go my whole life knowing I’ll never be as cool as that guy.